Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
