you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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