she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
