It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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