i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
