Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
