She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
