i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
