no, he came in my armpit
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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