Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
