Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
