Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
