this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
