it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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