I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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