So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
