saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
