had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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