I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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