Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
