wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
