Got a toothbrush?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize