You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
