Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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