So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
