hotel room ftw
kristin has been a bad kristin
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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