If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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