Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize