Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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