I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
