Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
