Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize