Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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