The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
