i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
