"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize