you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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