went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
