i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
