You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
