We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
