I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
