Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
