I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
