once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
