i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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