I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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