He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
