My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
