i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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