Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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