Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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