Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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