Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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