Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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