there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize