He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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