He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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