Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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