My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize