I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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