a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
