I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
