does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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