They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tequila makes me forget i have legs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
