i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
