I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
