Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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