those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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