I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
