Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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