Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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