ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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