She's JV to your varsity
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize