planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
