his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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