I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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