Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
