That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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