I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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