i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
