why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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