I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
