I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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