I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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