Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
