I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
